My sister has irregular sleeping habits. She will fall asleep at 9pm at night and wake up at 4am in the morning to do her homework. The thing is I am a very light sleeper whose idea of an early bedtime is midnight, and whatever waking time I have in mind it is probably NOT 4am… And we share a room.
But I have to admit that there’s a lot more than just my sister keeping me up. Blogging inspirations chose this ridiculous ungodly hour to present themselves in the front of my head, as well as a whole lot of other problems. Which is why I am here at 6.30am checking facebook and, of all things, blogging.
–_______-
But the toll of four and a half hours of sleep is showing. There are so many things I want to tell you.
I want to tell you that I discovered a love of photography but I don’t have a fancy camera. Heck, I don’t even have a camera.
I want to tell you that SASA’s in trouble again! (; hehehe hi Lily.
I want to tell you about how everyone seems to be in such a hurry to move their lives along. Do you have any idea how many people are leaving because they’ve gotten scholarships? This is so sad; because no matter how many times we try to remind ourselves that change is life’s only constant, it still sucks to see someone go.
I want to tell you about my holiday so far – my beautiful cliché of a vacation at Pulau Perhentian, the perfect cookie recipe and Briana’s 18th Birthday Bash @ Blossom Deli.
I want to tell you about volunteering at animal shelters and how I can’t understand why people want to dye their pet’s hair, and squash them into tiny little frilly dresses – in short, trying to make their pets fit our definition of what is pretty. Why is there even a need for animals to be pretty and cute anyhow?
I want to tell you that the Cleo magazine often features amazing lifestyle articles, and one article from the June 2010 issue particularly caught my eye. It was about how women have unfair expectations set upon them, and how too much body love isn’t good for you. It was an eye-opener.
I want to share with you all the wonderful PostSecrets I found.
And I want to tell you how badly I need a functioning laptop of my own! And I WILL tell you, just not right now, because it IS 6.30am in the morning, and I have only had four and a half hours of sleep.
This is just a spoiler for what’s coming next. (:
Labels: day-to-day, Random-ia
Briana says:
omg
no good loooking guys at taiwan
fuck
-.-
Louise says:
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
Briana says:
whats the point of abstaining now theeeen
Geeeez
Louise says:
okay i know what to get you for your going away present.
we're gonna make you an album of hot guys pictures.
Briana says:
i mean, i gave up dating for half a year because i was afraid i would just fall for someone for the attention because i thought i should go to taiwan with a very clean start
BUT OMG, NO HOT GUYS AT ALL
Louise says:
hmmm
maybe we should get you a cardboard cut-out of a really cute guy.
then you can take it with you and keep it in your room
Briana says:
CANNOOOT LAH
so tempting
it will only make me hate that place more
GRRRRRR
OMG
what's wrong with their english?!!!!
You know that there is seriously something wrong
when they call spring 'flower season'
that's like
so LALAH
Louise says:
why's that lalah!!?
Briana says:
it sounds lalah
am i being picky?
HEHH HEH HEH
and now I am thinking of buying another pair of sport shoes
cause mine is white
and I dont think you'd like washing your shoes when it is so cold there
Louise says:
hahahaha
look on the bright side
every day you're going to look like the best dressed couple from your party.
Briana says:
AHAHAHAHAAHAHAHHAHAAHAHAH
WTF
Eh, I like the uniforms kays
I just need to add my own style into it
OMG
YONG SUI NEVER MIND
THEY ARE LIKE SUPER SHORT D;
HOW LAH LU
HOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOW
I NO WAN NO WAN NO WAN
( for a moment I have this super funny thought. Here I m whining, then one week upon reaching you see fb and it says Briana Nino Leong is in a relationship)
hhhahaahhaha
wtf.
Louise says:
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
if that happens
i might just die laughing
Briana says:
HAHAAHHA
And I will be embarrassed like shit
BUT PLEASE LAH
IT WONT HAPPEN
Louise says:
DON'T TALK LIDDAT
LATER IT REALLY HAPPEN HOW
I'M GONNA LAUGH SOME MORE!
Briana says:
NEVEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEER
HAHAHAHAHAHA
YOU SUPER MEAN
hahhaahhaahahahahXD
No hot girls there also -.-
WHICH IS GOOOD
cause no competition wtf.
Louise says:
BUT THERE'S NO PRIZE EITHER!!!
hahahahahahhhhhhaaaaaaaaaa
Briana says:
YEAHHHHH
Louise says:
shit
damn lame
Briana says:
DAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAMN
hhahahhahahaha
i am like
laughing out loud
Louise says:
okay no i refuse to believe that some godforsaken small town like malaysia can have reasonably hot guys and taiwan don't have.
i give you two months
before you change your status.
Briana says:
HAHAHAHAAHHAA
is that a bet?
huh huh huh?!
Louise says:
YESH.
BRING IT ON BABY
Briana says:
okay
i be honest kays
if i really am i will change the status
whoever wins gets a real nice christmas present
ngum ngum 9 +2 = 11
by november
or you scared want to make it by decemberrrr
AHHAHAHAH
Louise says:
december lol.
fine i'm chicken.
Briana says:
lol
Louise says:
but then at least december i'll have money for sure.
hahahahahaa
right now i'm broke!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Briana says:
hahahhaha, I'll get you sth nice from Taiwan anyow
but if you win you get sth even nicer
okay, so the deadline is?
Louise says:
er i can't think of any specific date so
christmas day
it's about 6 months from now anyhow.
oh!
khoo yee hsiong's back from england!
Briana says:
OH, how is that related to me?
eh, 2 weeks before christmas
or i wont have time to shop
Louise says:
hahahahaha okay
11 dec.
wah damn serious weih
LOL LOL.
Briana says:
I know right
hahhaahahahahahahaahahaahahah!
wah 1111
I seriously dontknow what to expect
hahhahaha
But if I am happy there
I dont mind getting you a bigger gift
lolololol
Louise says:
1112 LAH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
DECEMBER!
Briana says:
hahhahaahhaha
okay okay
okay
okay
CEH
HAHHAHAAH
PUI PUI PUI
so kan cheonghahahahhaha
I thought I could trick you into it
hahahahah
once you say okay
....'
DENG
Louise says:
RIGHT.
just admit it bree
your original hair colour isn't black!!!!!!!
Briana says:
WHAT
Louise says:
lol no la jk.
Briana says:
It is black lahj
are you like blind or sth
It's like even darker than normal people's har
*hair
and wh lah you suddenly talk abt hair color
dont change the subject
are you trying to make me dye or sth?
Louise says:
i'm talking about blondes.
-________________________-
Briana says:
OH.Louise says:
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAA
& now you know why the title of Joanna’s blog is “my best friend is a bimbo”. (:
Wanna bet the person who wrote this is a virgin?
People like asking me why I pulled out of the Creative Artistic Soul category for the CHS Students’ Choice Awards last year. I told everyone that it was because I felt that, as the head of the department running the Awards, I shouldn’t be contesting. But that was an excuse to save my pride. It was actually more because put next to people like Briana Leong, my creativity pales in comparison. If you are blessed enough to have received a gift from her before, chances are it was probably handmade with painstaking care and detail. If there was any one person who exuded beauty and elegance and spunk from every pore, it would be her. She is so good with both her hands, and her words!
Me and Bree on CHS’s Graduation Day 2009.
Here is a blog post of hers that I particularly enjoyed reading and I told her so. And when she asked me to do the post as well so she could read my answers I went EEEEEEEEEEEEEEE :DDD And so I have, but please click and see her original post before you read my pathetic attempt below at creating something as beautiful and poetic as what she has. What to do, I really wanted to try at least! And if I fail to come even close to what she did, I can only say: at least I was honest all the way through this entry. Just as I know she was in hers. Hi, Dan. This is for you, happy birthday yesterday. :)
ONE
If were a month, I’d be April.
Because it’s my birth month; because it’s spring, the start of all things new.
TWO
If I were a day of the week, I’d be Saturday.
Because Saturday mornings have this way of being beautiful, even when they’re clouded over and rainy.
THREE
If I were a time of day, I’d be Dawn.
Jumping out of bed eagerly to greet the day.
FOUR
If I were a planet, I would be one where I can watch the aurora borealis from wherever I am.
Every single night.
FIVE
If I were a sea animal, I’d be Coral.
Stunning but silent.
SIX
If I were a flower, I’d be daisies.
Small, clean and white with a golden heart.
SEVEN
If I were a kind of weather, I’d be the kind where it rains and shines at the same time.
Like laughing through your tears.
EIGHT
If I were a musical instrument, I’d be a piccolo.
Tiny but with the voice of a songbird.
NINE
If I were a colour, I’d be a the whole palette!
But if I really had to pick one, it would be yellow. No explanation needed. :)
TEN
If I were a fruit, I’d be a lemon.
So bemoaned by people when life gives them those, but so wonderfully tangy.
ELEVEN
If I were a sound, I’d be bells.
They wake us up, no matter what type of bell they are. They make us sit up and listen.
TWELVE
If I were a car, I’d be a Volkswagen Beetle.
Tiny but classic.
THIRTEEN
If I were a food, I’d be sorbet.
Ice cold and oh-so refreshing.
FOURTEEN
If I were a place, I’d be a big public library.
Wide open, comfortable, with lots of books and people.
FIFTEEN
If I were a scent, I’d be anything citrus.
Anti-soporific.
SIXTEEN
If I were an object, I’d be a patchwork quilt.
A gallimaufry, a queer mixture of patterns, a hodgepodge.
SEVENTEEN
If I were a facial expression, I’d be this.
Life is sheer bliss.
EIGHTEEN
If I were a song, I’d be the one that makes you want to jump and dance like nobody’s watching; the one that makes all your friends join in.
Enjoying the music.
My favourite from Form 4 up till now: Mika – Love Today.
NINETEEN
If I were a pair of shoes, I’d be ballet flats.
Comfortable yet chic.
TWENTY
& If I could be anyone in the whole wide world, I’d be me.
Because as imperfect as it is, there’s no one else’s life I feel like living. I’m a grateful girl. And I’m awesome that way.
Labels: day-to-day, Friends, Musings, Personal, Very Long Posts
I am pissed off.
You know that saying, “I’m happy even though my life isn’t perfect; I’ve just decided to look past all the imperfections”? That’s me. My life is full of flaws and it is far from perfect. I’m highly doubt there are any people who know me who would want to live my life. But so many things have happened lately: ICRC is over. Exams are over. I’m on holiday. I went shopping :D I had fun with the SASA-rians at the Fete De La Musique. I had fun with the debaters at ICRC and while I was watching movies with them. I created an awesome dessert from scratch and on my first try at making it. I didn’t get any scholarships that can potentially mess up my life lol. My temporary laptop’s been given back to my mom, which means that a proper laptop of my own is probably on the way. MY PHONE IS BACK (in case I haven’t told you yet)!!! On the whole, I feel more relaxed and happy than I have been all year long. Because I’ve chosen to not worry about my exam results, university applications and what not. Every other worry of mine has been wiped out and resolved. I have awesome friends. I have an awesome family. I feel like nothing can go wrong, and if it does, it won’t remain so for long.
The joys outweigh the tears right now by far right now. I can see it.
But I can’t feel it.
All because of one small imperfection which, try as I might, I cannot seem to be able to look past. Normally I’d deal with this kind of imperfection by distracting myself but distractions aren’t working. And this imperfection is preventing me from appreciating the extent of just how wonderful it is for me to be alive right here, right now.
In short, I am pissed off – because I continually allow myself to dwell and moan on this imperfection, because I cannot find in myself the belief that I am strong enough to ignore this imperfection; to accept that this is the situation, and I can do nothing to change it. It pisses me off because it’s such a small, shallow, superficial thing to hold my attention. And because of it, I am rendered completely incapable of being happy, although by every other right I should be.
Being a reject sucks balls.
Somebody needs to slap some sense into me.
And now for something completely different.
:D
Labels: Gloom And Doom, Musings, Personal, Random-ia
In one of the debates at ICRC, one of the speakers on the opposing team stood up and began her speech by announcing that goldfish have a memory of three seconds, and that she hoped that all present had memories like goldfishes. I don’t really remember why exactly she hoped we had a memory span of a fish; maybe so we could forget everything that their team’s previous speaker had said that had screwed their team up. But if it makes her happy, I think I really do have the memory of one of those gaping guppies: there are so many important things about life that I forget.
And I say forget, because it’s not like I don’t know these things. They just… Slip my mind at the most inopportune moments.
I have to remember that the opinion of one person doesn’t signify anything; that I shouldn’t rest on my laurels anyway; that there is no shortcut to anything worthwhile; that everything is subjective, even if people choose to believe otherwise; to screw talent, just outwork everyone else; to not edit my feelings; to be bigger than my troubles.
I have to remember that there will always be second chances; that consistency pays off; to stop wishing and start working; and that I have a piano class at 9.30am and I am still up this late, blogging as if my life depends on it wtf.
Evidently I also have to remember to prioritize.
So there.
Labels: Gloom And Doom, Personal
Looking back, it was a bit crazy to dive headfirst into the ICRC competition so soon after joining the world of debate and finding a team. The motions of the humanitarian law debate are some of the toughest ever around. The days leading up to the competition were spent alternating between studying for A-levels and reading up on current humanitarian issues. But as Kareem, Lily and I found out, extensive knowledge alone isn’t going to save you in the ICRC debate; it’s just a minimum requirement. The motions are complicated, making proving/disproving the other team an extremely difficult job. I’m not that surprised that we only won one round (as far as I know).
But the fun I had justifies everything. I had fun training, and I had fun at the real competition. I learnt so much about my team and how it could function better – if Kareem wants to continue debating with us, of course. [insert biiiiiiiig hopeful grin :D] The most fun I had was during the HELP 1 vs. HELP 3 round, and I’m not even sure why I had so much fun, even though my team didn’t win the round! The tension just wasn’t there; it felt like another of our many practice rounds. Everyone in the room knew each other, the adjudicator included. Debating is a social event, and it’s a lot more fun when you know everyone you’re up against.
Fun doesn’t excuse not working harder though (a treaty a day!!). You can bet the next time I’m around for a competition we’re going to win more than just a quarter or two-fifths of the rounds.
The realization that the exams have ENDED for now hasn’t quite sunk in. But I love that feeling every time I do remember that I don’t have to bring a book along to study everywhere I go. Remember that long long note that Mercedes/Amber Riley sang at the end of the song in Glee, Proud Mary?
HEY YEAH YeEeeEEAAaaAaAaaAAAH! :D
Labels: day-to-day, ECA, Friends
So let me get some things straight.
I remember this.
And now, six months after that post, I want to tell you something.
I love English Lit.
I love Miss Caroline and all her mad quirks. I love how she makes us have a minute of silence every time Larkin’s name comes up in class. I love how she lectures us about life and how she reasons that love might not actually exist (oh the irony). I love her sarcasm. And I love how she takes no excuses and goes easy on nobody.
I love my classmates. They form the majority of the people I hang around with in college. I love how open-minded they are, and how down-to-earth they are at the same time. I love the the huge range of our diverse interests, talents and personalities, and how we all seem to fit together seamlessly in spite of those differences. I love the sense of unity that Miss Caroline fostered in us.
And of course, I love the subject itself. I love it when someone comes up with a different interpretation of a certain poem that we haven’t thought of before. I love arguing over different points of views of the poems. I love having to learn to overcome the difficulty of sounding coherent in my answers, and not like I have a bad case of verbal diarrhea. I love that “OH!” moment when I stumble upon the possible meaning of the poem, a meaning that was so beautifully encased in words, like a tiny gift wrapped entirely with spun glass or crystal or icing sugar instead of wrapping paper, so differently presented from the usual way that the reader can’t help but marvel at the poet’s very different and original way of looking at the world. I love knowing what caesuras, enjambements, spondee, trochaic and cinquain mean!
But I’m not going to lie to you:
I’m glad as hell that my unit 1 English Lit exam is over.
PS: Sorry Shaun, next post maybe. (:
Hi.
Doesn’t this make you wish you worked so you could attend this kind of meetings? :D
This country continually lets us down, in more ways than we could ever imagine.
I was blog-hopping and I came across this incredibly disturbing personal account of a student who witnessed a horrific traffic accident involving two smaller cars and a lorry. The passengers of one of the smaller cars were able to get out of the car easily, but there was a girl trapped inside the other car, screaming for help. The car was crushed and she was badly injured. The student tried to get her out, but noticed that the car had caught fire and was just beginning to burn. He quickly drove to the a petrol station which was a mere 500 meters away. He ran to the station attendant and asked to use one of the 4 fire extinguishers available, explaining the emergency and hence the need for it. It wouldn’t have harmed the station just to borrow one of them for a while. There was someone’s life at stake after all.
Here’s the horrible part, the part I find incomprehensible, shocking, and left me feeling dismayed with the station attendant’s reaction: he refused to let the student borrow the fire extinguisher.
You really cannot blame the student for shouting at the station attendant, who was all the time sitting benignly behind the glass of the counter. According to this frustrated student, he just kept saying “cannot borrow” and refused to open the door. At one point he changed his story and said that his boss did not allow him to lend the fire extinguishers to anybody. He even got another of his partners to come and back him up. The two of them stood their ground against the student.
By this time the student was kicking and punching the glass of the kiosk; which, considering the blatant lack of empathy from the kiosk attendants, was actually quite an acceptable reaction. He even said that he would leave his IC with the station attendants, saying that if he did not return the extinguisher they could report him to the police. And still, for some incomprehensible reason, they refused. They even had the gall to say that the CCTV had caught all his actions on camera and that they would be reporting him the next day.
Giving up, the student drove back to the scene, only to find the car completely on fire. The poor girl was burnt alive inside.
The student later then reported the actions of the petrol station attendants to the police, who were angered as well and promised to take action. But of course by then it was too late to do anything about the dead girl.
There are no words to describe how I felt when I read this. I feel so, so angry with the station attendants. Why could they have not lent ONE of the FOUR fire extinguishers to the student? For what reason did they decide to cling to the fire station property like it was the Hope Diamond and not a fire extinguisher that they were charged with guarding?
Why could it not have occurred to them to see the accident for themselves if the student was telling the truth? There were two attendants after all, one could have guarded the station while the other went with the student to make sure that, against all odds, they would get their precious fire extinguisher back. Why could they not have accepted the student’s offer of his IC? That alone should have proof of his sincerity. An IC isn’t quite a fair exchange for a fire extinguisher.
The problem is that now I am angry. I can just imagine the attendants languidly denying him any access, possibly even making fun of the student’s frustration. It’s something we’re all too familiar with – the tak apa lah attitude of Malaysians that I have come to detest. How many times have we witnessed a situation where we should have spoken up, should have acted, should have taken a little more initiative to right something that went wrong, and then decided that it wasn’t such a big deal and could live with the cons? How many times have we been the ones saying aiyah never mind lah? Think about the time you were at the public library and they didn’t let you borrow a book because there was a system error and the librarian couldn’t be bothered to figure out what the problem was. Think about the time you last saw litter lying on the ground. Think about the time you queued up for something and it gets to your turn only to be told curtly that what you want isn’t available/is not allowed, and worst of all had no alternative solution offered.
Believe me, this is related to my rant: this disgusting tak apa lah attitude can and has lead us to believe that the world revolves around us, and nothing potentially harmful will ever happen to us. We begin to dislike venturing out of our comfort zone, and therefore become increasingly complacent. We develop the mentality that nothing untoward can ever happen to us. We think it won’t happen to me.We invent excuses as to why we don’t have to do things, to act on anything because there is sure to be someone else who’ll pick up after us. We blame it on computers and bosses – the big unseen people whom we will never get to speak to and therefore do not need to deal with once the complaint is gone, shoved to the back of the mind to be forgotten. Out of sight, out of mind. This is the kind of attitude and mentality we’ve developed. Only in this situation, it was taken too far.
How about, no, it DOES matter, that if something seems wrong we have to act on it, and we can’t leave it lying around and expect another person to fix up? That if you see litter lying around, you have to pick it up? That what little you do DOES make a difference, no matter how small or insignificant the action? How about, no, someone’s life does depend on your passing me one of your four fire extinguishers; and whatever consequences your boss will deal you don’t mean jack in this situation?
As usual I don’t think I make sense. I am outraged and very, very bitter with the way this life could have so easily been saved, but wasn’t just because someone was too fucking lazy to look outside the window and try to feel a hint of compassion for the person stuck in the car, just because it’s not happening to him and (in his mind) probably never will. They chose to remain cruelly and blissfully ignorant. I am so angry and full of disbelief that something as cruel as this could have happened so close to home, in a city and country which boasts of first-class infrastructure and harmony and unity among its people and many other things. And yet it can happen – it did. I have never felt so unsafe, scared for my own life and for the lives of the ones I love. I have never felt so let down. And I have never in my life wished so hard for the concept of karma to be true.
Congratulations, Malaysia. Negara ini memang boleh.
Labels: Gloom And Doom, Musings, Rants, Very Long Posts
We now have a brief respite from the next (and final!) round of exams – English Lit and C2. On top of that the pressure from the last week has lifted – the stress was unbelievable. My phoneS (!!!) were wrecked, and I couldn’t tell my parents; they’re just not the kind of people who can laugh at careless mistakes. And with relevance to that, I had screwed something up in every exam so far, no matter how hard I had worked. And then there I was, once again, worrying about things that I should not even have been worrying about in the first place.
I know I was talking about fighting pessimism; the truth is that on the blog I can cover up my foul moods really well. In reality I was so stressed out that I couldn’t even sleep well at night because I was speculating about everything that could potentially go wrong.
But some things helped ease the strain immeasurably. Things like 5-page-long pathetically ranty emails and chats on MSN that lasted well past the parents’ forgivable bedtime. And it didn’t quite matter that there were no solutions offered to any of the problems I was facing; it was strangely therapeutic to come home and type all of it out knowing that someone on the other end would be listening. Just that assurance that someone cared enough to listen was enough. By Saturday, some of my problems had somehow resolved themselves.
I didn’t thank them enough then. And I doubt I ever will be able to – how is a counseling session like that repayable? I suppose the best way would be to let you know how much you helped me: for the first time in two and a half weeks, I slept well last Wednesday night.
Lesson learnt: even the worst day is only 24 hours long. :)
I have one week to go to English Lit and C2 math! And I am PROUD to say that I haven’t procrastinated too much – except when I spent all of Sunday watching Criminal Minds and eating junk food and getting nothing done at all which resulted in another long pathetic rant to said friend. This has resulted in me going vegetarian for this week, by the way. :D
On the bright side to the exams, this means there is just one more week to go till the 3-week break – I simply cannot wait! It has been a long time since I had such a long holiday. And I’d like to say that I’ve earned it.
On the downside to the exams, this means that this is just over one week away.
These 1 2 3 are going to have to be my best friends for the next 7 days. Sigh.
And on a completely unrelated note, with reference to this:
http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/world/middle_east/10201165.stm
I just thought that the Turkish government should be incredibly proud.
Maybe it’s because I still live in the world of heroes and heroines from the movies; where if they put up a hard enough fight against all the odds, by some wild lucky stroke dealt by the fickle Lady Fortune (or maybe even Calypso :D) – they will win.
I just thought it was really, really brave of the people aboard the flotilla to put up such a terrific resistance to the Israelis in the name of providing aid for those suffering in the Gaza Strip. They were raided by the Israeli army, commando-style, going in with guns blazing. They knew that if the Israeli army tried to stop them in any way, none of their aid would get through to the Gazans. So they decided to fight back. And hell, did they fight back. Watch the video of them throwing one of the Israeli soldiers offboard. It’s the stuff of pirate movies!
Okay I have the feeling that I am somehow being insensitive. But I do respect those aboard the Mavi Marmara. The dead among them died heroes!
Labels: day-to-day, Friends, Musings, Random-ia
