So.
I finished my last day of duty.
After five long years,
I
AM
FREE!!!
I think all the Ed Boarders are relieved that they’ll no longer have to listen to me whine and whinge about library duty, haha.
On the downside, my mom thinks that this means there’s room for more tuition classes. =.=”
“You can't ever be really free if you admire somebody too much.”
- Tove Jansson, Tales from Moominvalley.
*editt*
I just spent some time going through all my posts this year. There seems to be an excess of exclamation marks and capital letters. Honestly, did you all find it irritating?
But I blogged like that cause I really was happy at the time. And I like to tell the world I’m happy.
Tell you something right. These days I’ve actually been feeling down. Self-esteem’s at rock-bottom. And there has been a lot happening that I didn’t blog about.
And I realized that back then, I had even MORE reason to be happy than usual, but my timing has just been off.
When I wanted event A to happen, event B happened. And now event A is taking place, but I want event B to happen again, because I didn’t really appreciate event B when it was happening a few months ago.
Confusing, I’ll tell you if you ask me and I feel like it. :)
In any case. Reading about how happy I was is kind of motivating. I don’t feel so bad now. It sort of reminds me HOW to be that happy.
And as Ve Kenn said, “At least rock-bottom’s not a lonely place.”
Warning: rambling confusing emo-ness on ahead. :)
When all you wanted was to be wanted
Wish you could go back and tell yourself what you know now.-Taylor Swift, Fifteen.
In the library, my post is Daily Leader. It means I have to come for duty once a week, just like all the librarians have to, but I’m the one who delegates all the tasks then. I’m the one that stays back to close the library at 5.30pm. I have been a librarian for 5 years. Tomorrow is my last day of duty.
It’ll be my last day as librarian.
5 years ago when I came to CHS, I joined the board of librarians because I:
1. needed a uniform body
2. had been a librarian back in primary school.
I spent the next two precious years of my high school life being blindly dedicated to a club that I didn’t like and people I didn’t really love. All because back then I was too narrow-minded to see any other way out. I couldn’t get along with them, couldn’t get their attention, couldn’t understand their methods of administration. Even though back then, I was probably one of the most hardworking (and quiet) members.
I didn’t even acknowledge to myself how much I hated the board. I, the eternal optimist, actually hoped that one day they’d notice me and that everything would get better.
It didn’t.
You know something? The real reason I remained so dedicated to them was because I had a gigantornimous crush on one of the guys in my batch, back in Form1/Form2. I don’t have a problem admitting that now. Thinking back, he’s not even someone worth my mentioning. And no I’m not going to tell you who. All you need to know is he was a jerk.
I stopped being so dedicated to the board in Form 3. I mean, the library teacher is a jerk-o. Not all the members were the jerk-o type, but I find it hard to get along with them on a daily basis. I just cannot click with them the way I do with the Ed Board members. (Chinese ed, English ed. Go figure.)
By the time I woke up and realized this, it was the middle of Form 3 already and too late to join any other uniform body. I was stuck where I was. That’s why I decided to apply for the post of Daily Leader at the end of Form 4, because I wanted a post that wouldn’t force me to commit myself to the LPS. I got what I wanted, and I only had to turn up for duty once a week.
That one day can still drive me nuts though.
But thankfully the Form 3s on duty on my day are wonderfully bouncy, lively people who laugh a lot. They’re hardly serious, but whatever. It lifts the whole atmosphere and makes me laugh too. They make that ONE day bearable. But they still do drive me crazy with their naiveté (oh cool! the é looks so pro :D). Doubtless I could get along with them better if I tried, but I just (can’t? Won’t?). My heart’s not in the library anymore. It hasn’t been for a long time.
And it’s really hard to remain dedicated to a society where you can’t understand the methods of administration, where people don’t listen, and hardly anything ever gets done. I’m not saying anything about this board, but for previous years I doubt the senior’s judgment when it comes to making decisions. I didn’t like the way they’d start something and never finish it. The members are not exactly responsible, and as a result, problems crop up. When problems crop up, the seniors deal with it by adding more rules and regulations and procedures, until something as simple as applying for a card can become a tedious long process that takes months to finish. And of course, the more complicated the process, the more mistakes the members make.
When will you all learn that you have to deal with the ROOT of the problem, i.e. the members/probays?
It’s not a perfect board lah. But they’re not even trying. And for those who do try, there’s always the library teacher in the way. A big, solid, immovable obstacle in the path.
I salute the rest of the remaining librarians, and I wish you well. Especially when you’re dealing with HER.
Three years on since “leaving” the LPS, I’m proud to say I’ve grown. (Not literally, much) I’m a very different girl from the one I was back then. Most of you would agree. I’m happier with who I am right now, compared to the miserable girl I was back then. I’m not a misery guts anymore! I’m still eternally optimistic, only maybe a little more SENSIBLE, and I’m a happy vibrant cheerful powerful powderful confident intensely kakorrhaphiophobic girl. I love myself. Who wouldn’t?
As for the jerk, he’s still a jerk.
(:
PS: A big THANK YOU to the KPS Shu Yi for constantly putting up with me and never ratting on me even though I never ever wore my tie in class. You won’t ever have to bug me about it again, and I won’t ever have to bug you about retiring again. YAY! I love you lah.
But at this point, I’ve never wanted anything as much as I want to know what she’s going to tell me when she calls. It’s eating me from the inside out. I can’t think.
There’s only one thing I’m sure of:
It can’t be good.
Good-bye, self-worth. I know that the day I find you again will be the day Adrian says something heartfelt and genuinely nice.
Which, as you all know, will probably take quite some time.
PS: I got my dress. :)
*** edit***
17:33:15
I VEEL KEEL HER. I VEEL FRIGGIN KEEEEL HER!
HAHAHAHAHAHA OMG I’m so relieved.
And I can’t believe I was blogging like a dead person up there. Damn sopo. Moral of the story: don’t count your chicks before they hatch. It’ll spoil the surprise. And it makes you look like an idiot.
It wasn’t all good, but it wasn’t that bad. And the best part is, SHE’S WRONG. :)
I’m feeling so cheerful, I think I’ll go pound the pavement now. I’m getting fat. Do not try to contradict me. The weighing scales are the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth.
And NO, I’m not going to tell you what I’m talking about. Not even you, FC. I shall leave you all to speculate.
Thought.
If nothing good happens today, does that make it a bad day?
Yesterday I went shopping with my family for a formal dress to wear to my cousin’s wedding two weeks from now. Not that I don’t have any dresses, but my parents just don’t think my cheap-o bargain buys make the cut for a wedding. It’s a WEDDING hello. And I’m the family of the bride. Have to look good at the VIP table. :)
And mark you, my dad would NEVER allow me to dip into shops like Miss Selfridges, TopShop or Warehouse on a normal basis. Too expensive. Sure I can buy all the dresses I like but they can’t come from there. I’d feel guilty anyway. He allowed it, just this once, because it was my cousin’s wedding.
SO THIS WAS A ONCE IN A LIFETIME OPPORTUNITY TO MAX OUT MY DAD’S CREDIT CARD :D
(He drew the line at Christian Lacroix though. Bother.)
Anyway having gone through Warehouse, TopShop, Miss Selfridge etc. (and having a bunch of fun with my sister while at it :] ) I found two awesome possum dresses in Dorothy Perkins. This is the first one – soft, loose material that I really LOVED. But my dad didn’t think it was formal enough and I agreed. So I had to let this one go. :(
But it was nice anyhow.
THIS dress is the one I fell in love with. Because I suddenly discovered I have a taste for vintage. Think Audrey Hepburn.
Plain, black and simple, with a nice big bow on the right shoulder. IT WAS SO NICE EVEN MY PARENTS LOVED IT. :D
But you can see it looks a bit big on me right. Cause it was a size 8. I’m a size 6. It was ONE FREAKING SIZE too LARGE. And they didn’t have any size 6s in stock.
So we checked with the cashier if any stores anywhere stocked a size 6 anymore.
THEY’RE SOLD OUT EVERYWHERE. EXCEPT FOR GURNEY PLAZA.
D:
I was so keen on the black dress I actually asked my dad if I could get the family in Penang to buy the dress and keep it there for me till I got there in two weeks time but he shut me down. And yeah, I don’t think my aunt would be too happy doing that, what with the wedding on her mind.
THE DRESS.
D:
I looked at a lot more stores but the dresses were either not to my liking, or (more often) NOT IN MY SIZE. They were always size 8 and above. And this isn’t the first time it’s happened.
Is there some high street store discrimination against petite girls? How come all the nice dresses are all size 8 and above by the time I get to them?
So DON’T EVEN complain to me about how you’re jealous of my small petite frame because IT IS NOT A BOON, IT IS A BANE.
Why?
BECAUSE THE NICE NICE EXPENSIVE STORES NEVER STOCK ANYTHING IN SIZE SIX.
D:
Be HAPPY that you’re not a size six! Because you’ll get to wear expensive dresses! They’re always stocked in everything EXCEPT SIZE 6!!!!!!!!!!
So my sister got her dress (from Selfridge’s) AND her shoes done that day but I went home empty handed. And FYI, my sister’s taller than me, so she makes a size 8. And I was the one who found the dress for her and suggested she try it on. And now she has a dress, and I don’t. Gross injustice I tell you.
THE DRESS.
D:
I was moaning about it all the way back. My brother says he’ll shoot me if I breathe a word about THE DRESS again. But who listens to an eleven-year-old squit like him?
THE DRESS.
D:
I’m heartbroken.
Do not talk to me.
…
I just realized something!!
You know what this means?
I GET TO GO SHOPPING
NEXT WEEKEND.
AGAIN.
:D
Only we have less than 290 days. Less than half of that I think. 123 days when I last counted.
![Class Photo - all and balloons_thumb[5]](http://lh6.ggpht.com/_UlP9ioyTkc4/SmHoUeBzPCI/AAAAAAAABDo/m13h8R8TUL8/s1600-h/Class%20Photo%20-%20all%20and%20balloons_thumb%5B5%5D%5B14%5D.png "Class Photo - all and balloons_thumb[5]")
Not a lot of time left to spend with these people. Not a nice thought.
Assunta’s Literary Night was really awesome by the way. I loooooved the interpreter’s act. (:
Thought of the day.
“Cowardice asks the question, 'Is it safe?'
Expediency asks the question, 'Is it politic?'
Vanity asks the question, 'Is it popular?'
But, conscience asks the question, 'Is it right?'
And there comes a time when one must take a position that is neither safe, nor politic, nor popular but one must take it because one's conscience tells one that it is right.”
- Martin Luther King, Jr.
I’m going deaf.
I’m not kidding. Since I was sick on Saturday, my hearing’s gone bust. I can hear, but it’s like I’m wearing headphones, and there’s a sort of pressure in both my ears. Maybe I blew my nose too hard or whatever. It feels strange. I feel like my head is floating.
Every sound I hear sounds muffled. There’s a faint buzzing in my ears.
‘O.O’
I’ve always thought hearing aids were cool! (: They look like some cool spy communication device just sticking out of your ear. The sort of thing Ely and I used to dream up back in Standard 6. The kinds that you can remove and press a button and make it blow up in your enemy’s face.
OH and I’m so jealous of all the prefects lah. I CANNOT WAIT to retire. And if I’m not mistaken, TOMORROW is my LAST DAY OF DUTY! I cannot wait. I’m so excited about it being my last day of my 5-year sentence period of servitude sojourn as a librarian. And IT IS NOT ENOUGH. I’ll pee in my pants if I could retire right here, right now; so that I NEVER HAVE TO STAY BACK TILL 5PM IN THE FREEZING LIBRARY EVER AGAIN (among other things).
Caps lock banyak banyak, that should tell you something about my sentiments towards the library right?
That aside, I’m really satisfied with my 2nd-term examination results. I only hope my parents (and the scholarship evaluators) are too.
- “Hope is only the love of life.”- Henri-Frederic Amiel
Hooked on: Love Drunk by Boys Like Girls
So you’re my sister. But
Do you have to copy everything I do?
Sheesh kebabs, get some originality. This hurts.
Today is historic! Cause for the FIRST TIME in my 5 years at Catholic High, I KENA SPOTCHECKED.
It happened cause some dude from 5SF had lost a shirt and some money during PJK. So they rushed in and spot checked the class.
THANK GOD I’ve started leaving my phone in the Ed Board room. (: The only thing they got was my mirror. Which is quite upsetting lah, because it had sentimental value. Oh well.
And I have nothing to say about the decision to revert to BM for Science and Mathematics. Only to order plead with beg ask you all, my friends, not to migrate to other countries upon graduating. This country, as you can see, needs SERIOUS help.
Besides, every country has their own problems. In fact, it’s all the one same problem: their governments are made up of imperfect human beings. So face it: the grass is always going to be greener on the other side. ALWAYS.
So instead of running from that never ending stream of problems, you can turn right around and try to fix them. They need us. We need to change this place for the better. Running away from Malaysia isn’t going to make things better.
I for one am staying right here. Because I think I’m capable of making some kind of difference in this supposedly place.
Laugh all you want!
Those people who are crazy enough to think they can change the world are usually the ones who do.
:)
Anyway. Meet the wonderful members of the English department.
From L – R: Charleen, Su Teng, Christine, Louise (Editor 
), Pei She, Yu Li, Eng Hean, Yi Kun.
Not in picture, but very much missed: Rebecca See.
OH OH by the way.
HAPPY SWEET SEVENTEEN TO
JOANNA YAP YI LING!
You’re going to loveee your present.
At least. You better.
If not, you better spare my feelings and pretend that you do.
Just heard that SFX’s assistant parish priest Father OC Lim is VERY VERY sick. He’s being rushed into surgery now.
Pray for him.
To all 5S7-ers,
I AM SORRY
for my abominably long English Literature essay
which Shanti decided was the most amazing piece of work she’d ever happened upon
and decided to make you all copy it down.
HEEHEEHEE.
I can’t help being kiasu lah. That’s just me.
To the Ed-Boarders,
Thanks for another awesome day on the tapak.
To the idiot who wrote me an anonymous note threatening to “kidnap my liquid paper” because of my disgustingly awesome essay,
I don’t have liquid paper. (:
♥ Louise.
OH YEAH and I got up at 7.05AM today. Rolled out of bed and got ready in a record 10 minutes!!
Cheer 09 was awesome by the way.
According to mypersonality, I am an
ESTP - The "Persuader"
Jungian Personality Types (Free Test)ESTPs are action-loving, "here and now" realists with excellent people skills. Informal, risk-taking, fast-paced and adaptable, they are not always in agreeance with rules and regulations. They are tactical problem solvers that desire quick results. ESTPs, who present a friendly and enthusiastic face, are straightshooters that are able to handle criticism.
ESTP Career Matches
ESTPs are often happy with the following jobs which tend to match well with the Persuader/Creator personality.
According to Blogthings,
| Your Scholastic Strength Is Innovating |
 You are talented at structuring thoughts, decision making, clarifying, and making deadlines. You should major in: Marketing Psychology Desgin Cognitive Science Economics Photography |
According to Blogthings again,
| You Are An ESFP |
 You are a natural performer and happiest when you're entertaining others. A great friend, you are generous, fun-loving and optimistic. You love to laugh - and you like almost all people equally. You accept life as it is, and you do your best to make each day fantastic. In love, you are a smooth talker and incorrigible flirt. While you get into relationships easily, you don't tend to stick around when times get tough. At work, you do well in groups. You keep everyone laughing through difficult tasks. You would make a good actor, designer, or counselor. How you see yourself: Capable, fair, and efficient When other people don't get you, they see you as: Incompetent, stubborn, and silly |
According to Facebook, I’m an
ENFP
Extraverted iNtuitive Feeling Perceiving
ENFPs are initiators of change, keenly perceptive of possibilities. They energize and stimulate others through their contagious enthusiasm. They prefer the start-up phase of a project or relationship, and are tireless in the pursuit of new-found interests. ENFPs are able to anticipate the needs of others and to offer them needed help and appreciation. They bring zest, joy, liveliness, and a zany sense of fun to all aspects of their lives. They are at their best in situations that are fluid and changing, and that allow them to express their creativity and use their charisma. They tend to idealize people, and can be disappointed when reality fails to fulfill their expectations. They are easily frustrated if a project requires a great deal of follow-up or attention to detail.
Career matches:
#1 Medicine
#2 Architecture
#3 Liberal Arts
Is it any wonder we’re all so confused?
When I become dictator of the world…
I’m going to make it so that there are 4 workdays and 3 days of rest.
And the shelves in the bookstore shall be filled with classics, so I no longer have to go hunting around in seven bookstores to find the ONE literature book that I read.
Oh, and Twilight shall be banned.
PS: Watch out, David. Muahaha.
NO, I DID NOT KENA N.S.
Thank you for being concerned.
:)
ALAMAK WHERE ARE ALL THE ED BOARD ARTICLES THAT I NEED?!! WHY ARE THEY NOT IN THE COMPUTER RIGHT NOW?!!!
AND WHY WHY WHY HAVEN’T I HEARD ANYTHING FROM IVY?!
I haven’t practiced piano for tomorrow’s class! I have to write a letter now!
AND AND AND I THINK I LOST A VERY IMPORTANT RECEIPT.
Ohmygod… I think I know where they are.
The articles I mean.
Ohmygod. No need sleep tonight. Woooohoooo.
So we gotta say goodbye for the summer
baby I promise you this
I'll send you all my love
every day in a letter
Sealed with a kiss
Yes it's gonna be a cold, lonely summer
but I feel the emptyness
I'll send you all my dreams
every day in a letter
sealed with a kiss
I'll see you in the sunlight
I'll hear your voice everywhere
I'll run to tenderly hold you
but baby you won't be there
I don't wanna say goodbye for the summer
knowing the loneliness
so let us take a pledge to meet in September
and seal it with a kiss
Yes it's gonna be a cold lonely summer
but I feel the emptyness
I'll send you all my love
every day in a letter
Sealed with a kiss
Sealed with a kiss
(repeat until fade)
(I hope to God those’re the right lyrics. Or I will die.)
And somebody laugh at the damn post below can or not? I’m depressed.
On top of everything, it is THURSDAY. ):
(I don’t like Thursdays very much.)
